It’s all sunshine and rainbows… right?
“I’m in like nine of them at the moment,” says Blake.
Situationships. It’s a funny word with an even funnier meaning. To some, it just makes sense; for others, it leaves them hurt and confused. What is a situationship? Well, it’s basically two people who talk, flirt, and see each other romantically, but ultimately don’t commit to each other. Why is this even a thing? Well, let’s find out.
Blake is 21 years old and says the reason behind his non-commitment is the fact that he is still young and wants to have fun before settling. Sure, he’s broken a few girls’ hearts, but they had to have known that’s what they were getting themselves into, right?
“I like to date without dating, if that makes sense,” says Blake.
He believes that a situationship is more freeing and has no emotional or physical responsibility.
In another light, there’s Esther Galbac, 80, who was married with kids, but then divorced, and since the breakdown of that marriage, has been in situationships ever since.
“I’m just having fun,” she says in her broken English accent.
After the divorce, she had two more serious situationships; one for financial security, and the other based solely on the man’s personality. To this day, she reflects on the last serious situationship she had.
“That was the best time in my life,” she says.
For Esther, a situationship is not just a quick fling, but rather a lasting friendship.
“My experiences with the situationships in my life have impacted how I view them,” she says.
Esther goes out with groups of men and women, but no one comes home with her, as she likes the independence she has but loves to socialise.
The most stereotyped aspect of a situationship is the sexualised part. There’s multiple different ways sex can be involved, depending on the person. Some situationships can have none at all.
Blake says that “sex is more normalised and it’s okay to have sex without being in a relationship.”
He thinks there is less stigma around the idea of sex as a whole, where it’s not limited to people in committed relationships.
It was interesting to see with Esther, how minimal feelings are involved – well, from her side at least.
But for people like Blake, the heartbreaker, he too can catch feelings.
“I’ve definitely caught feelings for a girl once or twice,” he said.
“I just stopped hanging out with them as a way for those feelings to go away, because I genuinely don’t want to commit to anything serious.”
The Uh-Oh Moment
In the beginning, a situationship seems like sunshine and rainbows, but this is because one of the parties’ involved, initially, doesn’t realise it’s a situationship. Both individuals act like a couple and do things a couple would do, but in reality there’s no label. Eventually, one person involved is going to start asking questions; where they stand, what they mean to the other person, and what they want out of this connection.
This is when it goes south.
Even though one person involved can state from the beginning that they don’t want anything serious, it is almost inevitable for a person involved to catch some sort of feelings for that person.
“I sometimes feel bad, but then it is what it is I guess,” says Blake.
This is when the tears start rolling, when the Spotify playlists are made, when the scrolling through TikTok until the early hours of the morning happens, because there’s videos relating to their situation. Don’t forget the consistent stalking of all their socials, the overthinking, but ultimately why they couldn’t be enough.
This. Is. Pain.
What makes it worse is when one person catches feelings and the other person acts like they are together, giving the person who’s caught feelings a sense of hope that something could happen. It’s a terrible cycle and it’s a cycle that can happen multiple times with the wrong people.
You’d genuinely be surprised at how often this happens, over and over again.
But, isn’t it intriguing how two different generations can see the same issue so differently?
Returning to Esther, it seems that she is the one hurting the men here. She has become hardened by her situationship experiences as some were more serious than a quick fling you see nowadays.
Like Blake, she doesn’t want the responsibility. She is happy to look after herself but is also open to meeting people when she goes out to the clubs for food, and to cafes for coffee. By socialising regularly, her need for companionship is met, but the ‘party’ stays out, as she likes her own space at home and has been made independent because of the divorce and failed situationships in the past.
All these combined thoughts that live rent-free in the ‘victim’ of the situationships’ mind just lead to a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness. But, in saying this, it can also have the opposite effect where the male or female victim can go through a ‘revenge’ era, which is what they call it in this day and age. It counteracts their sad emotions. Painting those nails red, getting a fresh haircut, posting on that Instagram story so that the other person that was involved sees it. Did I just expose myself?
The initial moment of realisation of the situationship being nothing more than what it is, just seems to have a catastrophe of domino effects on the person. This forces them to be scared of reliving this same nightmare if they were to meet someone again.
@gabesco whats your longest situationship i wanna see who wins #situationship #relationship ♬ original sound – gabesco
The Healing Stage
Situationships sometimes, if not all the time, hurt more than a proper committed relationship. This is because of the false hope that is given and the guards that are let down. Sometimes there is no resolution or closure; but, doing what you find comfort in, always helps. Whether it is the silly and sad Spotify playlists, or even laughing at the videos on TikTok because you relate to them so much. Time does heal.
So what is a situationship?
In Esther’s mind, she has these situationships to be happy and not to be lonely. Her view on situationships is drastically different to that of Blake’s. But, even her view on situationships is a cycle, although the motives are different.
Situationships can have detrimental impacts on people in the younger generation as we aren’t that experienced with connections, feelings, and how to control emotions. The older generation, however, seem to be able to control emotions, feelings, and not get so caught up with one person. Older people seem to do it for different reasons; companionship and company, whereas the younger generation seem to do it for quick flings.
Does Blake imagine settling down with someone?
“When the right person comes along,” he says.
Isn’t that what they all say? Time will only tell.
@sabrina.zohar Situationships and how to handle them. #situationship #anxiousattachment #datingtips #datingadvice #emotionallyunavailaible ##dating ♬ original sound – Sabrina Zohar